The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but not the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
When I came across this quote, I couldn’t help but imagine myself without both my daughters. Would I care as much? Would I be searching for God the same way? Who would I be? Where would I be? What would me priorities look like? The thought scares me. Motherhood invited Jesus into my life permanently, and he changed my entire existence and rerouted my path.
Looking back at life before motherhood, my priorities were all out of order, not because I chose them, but because that’s all I knew. I didn’t grow up in a religious household and I also didn’t have someone close to me who modeled a true love for Jesus Christ. As a young adult, I was career driven and overused the words “I don’t have enough time.” I often felt like I was living a fast-paced life and although I was content with my days, my achievements, and where I was headed, at the very pit of my soul I was never truly satisfied. I knew something was missing all along but I didn’t know how to get there. At the time it seemed like an overwhelming road to face. I explored religious books, I went to church every once in a while and I loved worship music, but nothing really resonated deep enough inside of me to continue to spread throughout my soul and out onto others. Silently, I had so many questions, and I wanted to explore this curiosity and fill this emptiness. I knew there was something greater for me but on the outside I was “busy” living, and that’s unintentionally the way it stayed for years.
To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven.
Starting a family of my own was a sacred gift and I thank God every single day for it. I have two daughters who are eighteen months apart. Being pregnant literally back to back slowed me down and gave me a lot of time to reflect on who I was and what kind of person I wanted to be in this new season of life. I felt this urge within me that was excited and ready to explore the void that I had sensed for so long. I honestly felt like God was tugging at my heart and telling me to make it my mission for this new phase of my journey. There were a handful of times that I’d try to talk myself out of it by asking, “Why now? After all these years what could change?” But I know that was the enemy talking me out of a meaningful life by putting doubts in front of me. But God’s love for me is stronger and he kept pushing me to ask the awkward questions and to search for answers. I felt his promise and somehow I knew that it was going to be worth it. I was ready to get to know Jesus and to dissect and digest the greatest love story of all time. I was ready to begin searching for the person that I was destined to be all along. With very little direction, I started praying for this new season God had placed me in and for the desires that were being planted in my heart. Not long after, opportunities and doors started opening. I was amazed!
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.
I’ve made it my mission to give my daughters the best that this life has to offer and I’m not speaking tangibly. I want nothing more than to be able to direct my children towards their heavenly Father and be the model for them that I didn’t have growing up. I want to create a concrete foundation of faith within our home that overflows into their hearts and strengthens as the years go by. I want my daughters to grow up to be the hands and feet of Jesus, spreading his love to those around them. When the world makes them feel like they’re not enough, when they lose their way, when temptations arise, when shame and fear kick in, when the people they love let them down, and when life takes those unpredictable turns…I want them to know that they are not alone, that God has conquered it all and in him they will always find the strength, love, and new beginnings that only their heavenly Father can provide.
Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the spirit; which is the word of God.
Bayou City Fellowship has been the biggest answered prayer in our family’s journey thus far and has given us the greatest direction. After close to a year of taking in Sunday services, I started to connect and serve, and now anytime an opportunity arises, I take it. My perspective is that I’m not only doing this for myself, but for my daughters, and what can I take from this moment for their sakes? Life does happen and there are moments when staying home sounds more cozy but I swear, I always leave these gatherings and come home a much better person. The things I learn, read, and hear continuously equip me for motherhood and all that is yet to come. I cannot do life alone, nor do I desire to. I know that being a mother does not define me. My relationship with God defines me. Daily, I choose to seek perfection in him because let’s face it, life is an unpredictable beautiful mess and his grace lets me know that I am enough, chosen, and capable.
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17
I learned that if we trust God he will reveal us in our truest form and that is such a beautiful gift of peace. A friend of mine once told me that she loves how God trusts us with his gifts when he knows that we’re ready for them. I just love that God knows me much better than I think I know myself. God is stretching me and growing me through the process of motherhood. What season of life are you in? God is faithful and will meet you where you are by drawing out strength from what you may think is weakness. Abide in him daily and in return he will give you all you need. His character impacts the daily choices that we make and the way we live. I wouldn’t change my story one bit.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without me you can do nothing.